Food

ok funny.

I know it's like 3 hours since my last post but I just have to give this example of how badly these people want me to get fat.

I just had dinner, and when i walked in the chef asked me if I like soup. I said yep sure. She gave me a bowl of this nice noodle soup which on closer inspection was actually shredded crepes floating in salty broth with chives. It was strangely amazing. I was just sitting there feeling enornously appreciative. I couldn't even express how grateful I was for this perfect small meal! It was exactly what I wanted and it tasted good. I was perfectly satisfied. I was celebrating on the inside.

One of the kitchen workers asked me if I would like to help myself to the salad buffet, complete with eggs and a massive range of salady type food. I declined. Really, I told her, the soup is just perfect. I'm full.

Then suddenly this plate landed on the table next to me loaded with, wait for it, 3 peices of pork swimming in gravy taking up half the plate, a large pile of roast (or potentially deep-fried) potatoes taking up the other half, 2 carrots and a massive white thing which I discovered is white asparagus wedged in between, AND a big fat dollop of whipped cream. Sprinkled with cracked pepper.

I was like, o wow, ok, thanks. I didn't realise the soup was just the entre.
It's not that I don't like food or don't want to taste everything on the plate. It's just that I don't feel like I can find any polite way to not eat it all. I brace myself for it, thinking, it's not that bad, pork is protein, and... potato is veggies right?

THEN immediately bam on the table a plate with a large wedge of gateau on it. It looks something like mum's stripe cake but maybe it has banana and walnut in it too. Lots of whipped cream of course.

I am still trying to figure out how to deal with this (no flower pots in sight) when I hear another bang 'Das ist auch fur dich' she says happily. Another plate with 2 not-so-small creme puff eclairs complete with whipped cream and strawberry pulp.

I think she sees my eyes bulge because she tells me I can take it up to my room if I want. Yes. I say. Yes I will.

The salad buffet comes rolling into the kitchen on wheels 'are you sure you want no salad?' asks the lady wheeling it.
'Yes I'm sure'

I am just getting ready to take the desserts up to my room when, yes, again, a plate with 4 peices of french roll, each one topped with a mound of shaved prosciutto, basil and cherry tomato. I made these with Annamarie last night for the guests.
Oh no, I tell her, no thank you, I'm too full.

She tells me to take it to my room, then!
And off I go, (with just one peice of prosciutto bread and shh but not much intention of eating it) ushered out with a large plate of food, a small spoon and a sheet of tin foil to cover it all in.

They didn't do anything wrong. They are amazing. I think Calum and most other men in the world would think they had died and woke up in alpine heaven.

It's just that I don't think I can keep both them, and my jeans happy!